


addendum:

by InvadingThoughts



Series: the kids aren't alright (they'll get there one day though) [2]
Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter/Funhaus RPF
Genre: Agender Character, Agender Gavin, Alternate Universe - Grand Theft Auto Setting, Backstory, Character Study, Crimes & Criminals, Fake AH Crew, Multi, Pre-Fake AH Crew, Trans Female Character, Trans Jack, Trans Male Character, Trans Ray, a look into rays past
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-20
Updated: 2016-08-20
Packaged: 2018-08-09 23:47:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,184
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7821931
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/InvadingThoughts/pseuds/InvadingThoughts
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>So it starts off with little things, and the answers always change over time, very slowly getting more honest:</p>
<p>“Ray, why is your bloody rifle pink?”</p>
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p> <em> “Because I like pink?”</em></p>
  <p>
    <em> “Hey man, family heirloom, just too lazy to repaint it.” </em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em> “It’s mi- it was my mother's, she was a hell of a shot.” </em>
  </p>
</blockquote>
            </blockquote>





	addendum:

**Author's Note:**

> Honestly I love the idea of blindsiding fahc ray. Just, a boy that’s held together by confusion and if you get too close you’re just gonna get swept away, but when the fog clears it's all so fucking worth it.

So it starts off with little things, and the answers always change over time, very slowly getting more honest:

“Ray, why is your bloody rifle pink?”

>   _“Because I like pink?”_
> 
> _“Hey man, family heirloom, just too lazy to repaint it.”_
> 
> _“It’s mi- it was my mother's, she was a hell of a shot.”_

“So what were you doing before all this, huh?”

> _“Suckin’ dicks and blazing it up, man.”_
> 
> _“I bounced around a lot, never could stay in the same place for long.”_
> 
> _“Lot’s of things, Gav. I’m a multitasker. Hey, did I ever tell you ‘bout the time I fucking crashed a helicopter on accident?”_

So it’s little things, and the guys can never pinpoint just who Ray was. Gavin’s searches come up empty- technically Ray Narvaez Jr. doesn’t exist- which is frightening by itself. Ryan’s contacts know nothing, same with Geoff’s and Jack’s. Michael has his own secrets (none of them as confusing as Ray’s though), so he just stays out of it. It’s up to Ray to tell them when it's the right time.

And then the crew hires Lil’ J, a rookie with quick fingers and an uncanny ability to disguise himself so well that you couldn't pick him out of a crowd. He takes one look at Ray and shouts at the top of his lungs-

“Lucky Shot!”

And then Ray has his hands tangled in Jeremy’s collar, pulling him out of the room before the rest of the crew can even blink. Gavin changes tactics, pulling up everything they can on Jeremy. Ryan talks to his contacts, Jack talks to Lil’ J’s friends and she’s charming enough that Matt and Treyco talk, and talk fast. Geoff goes straight to the source and tries to get Jeremy so drunk that he’ll talk.

It doesn't take long before they get caught up in everything Ray was:

Jeremy:

> _“He was a rifleman in the military, Geoff! Best shot out of all of us. Did he tell you ‘bout the time he took down an enemy helicopter by fucking accident?”_

Matt:

> _“He, ah, he used to fix the planes. All that avionics crap, you know Jack, the shit you do. Sometimes he’d also work on the helicopters themselves, make sure they actually flew,_ _Jeremy only briefly mentioned that, though.”_

Treyco:

>   _“I heard he was a firefighter, saved a lot of people. Hell of a career change, huh?”_

And Ray says nothing, because he doesn't need to. They all scramble, because how can one man be both a rifleman and avionics worker in the military and a firefighter without leaving any sort of paper trail? But, it doesn’t take long before they drop the topic fast though, because it's a one way ticket to alienating their best shooter in the crew and none of them want an enemy with someone on their own team.

So Ray has secrets? Eh, so what.

So Ray has secrets.

It takes them longer than necessary to learn about his past that it really should have, because Ray was going to tell them. But then they _pushed_. So he backed off, let them run around and dig up things that he wanted to stay buried. They don't find anything, nobody ever does and so it’s Michael he tells first, because he knows those who have secrets themselves seem to understand why you can't just push.

“Hey Michael.”

> _“Yeah?_ ”

And then it’s silent. He doesn’t answer, because Ray doesn’t feel the need to tell him. Doesn't want to bring up old battles and scars. He hates that they can’t let it go. He’s Ray. What does it matter who he used to be?

> _(They’re afraid, Ray rationalises. A killer with a fantastic aim and no documented past is scary, no matter how close they are to you. They’re afraid of what you could’ve been, Ray_ _rationalises. He’s also afraid of what he could’ve been, if he had been a bit weaker; so at least they have something in common.)_

“Dammit, I’m transgender, Michael. The crew are looking for someone who doesn’t exist anymore and that’s how I need it to stay. So can you please get them to drop it?”

They drop it.

Gavin’s the first one to apologise and they whisper sorry into the air so many times that it loses its meaning, but Ray knows that they mean it. The past is a touchy subject for both of them and _England_ is a touchy subject for Gavin. The lad whispers that they should have known better from personal experience, should have know that sometimes the past needs to stay buried. Ray’s grateful.

Jack is next, but she doesn’t linger on it, somehow knowing that Ray doesn’t want this to be a thing. She’s all smiles and gentle touches afterwards though, and Ray loves that she understands. He wanted to tell her sooner, her more than others. But sometimes the boy’s tongue gets stuck to the roof of his mouth with glue- a side effect of one too many bad experiences with coming out- and the words never make it passed his lips.

(Jeremy catches him one afternoon and hugs him till his bones ache. _He’s proud_ , he says. _You’ve come so far_ , he praises. _I love you_ , he admits and Ray realises he’s never met someone so pure in his entire life. Ray knows he wouldn’t have survived without Lil’ j and so he can't help but squeeze Jeremy back just as hard.)

Geoff and Ryan catch him together, because they need to if Ray wants to ever get apology. Honestly, he doesn’t really need one though- but when Geoff wraps his arms around him tight and Ryan signs so fast it's unreadable, he knows it's something he’d never refuse if offered. They don't apologise with words, Geoff takes him out for ice cream _“What? Am I five geoff?_ ” “Yes, you are to me, so shut up and get in the car,” _“Hmpf,”_ and Ryan traces the length of his scars, lingering on the two on his chest and Ray would be lying if he said he managed to hold in his tears.

So it ends with big things, the answers so different from in the beginning and a lot more honest than before:

“Ray, why is your bloody rifle pink?”

>  " _It’s to remind myself that I’m not going to lose my identity, even if I like feminine things. I’m still me, even if I like pink, or if I dance, or if I wear tights; because my gender is not_ _defined by the colour I like, or my hobbies, or my outfit. It’s defined by me.”_

“So what were you doing before all this, huh?”

> _“I was in the military for a while, that’s where I met Jeremy. I started out working on planes and then changed to working as a rifleman. They kicked me out when I came out,_ _so I became a firefighter instead. That lasted about six months, missed the guns, so I left for Los Santos and you can guess the rest.”_

 

> **_(Addendum:_ **__  
> _“Hey, Ray?”_  
>  **_“Yeah?”_ **__  
> _“Are you happier now?”_  
>  **_“Yeah...”_ **_  
> __“Good.”_  
>  )


End file.
